Tuesday, November 24, 2009

A 'How to...Guide'

You know that you’re  ‘The Head’ (who said Mayor?) of  Positano if:
  1. You repeat the same Promises to get work done  over a twenty year period, without keeping your word.
  2. You know that people won’t believe you anyway.
  3. You find an infinite amount of excuses ranging from funds, contract work, other emergencies in town, file work, lost phone numbers or the weather (too hot, too wet, too near Xmas, too near Easter) to avoid doing the job. You use ‘said excuses’ in rotation. For twenty years.
  4. You pass the buck to the town Engineer who passes it right back at you. For twenty years.
  5. The same locals,  pester you so often, that you learn to duck into shops to avoid them in the street.
  6. They manage to corner you anyway, while you are sunning semi-naked on the beach.
  7. You write an open letter to the local paper in answer to the opposition party’s criticism talking about smoke screens, illusions and deceit. But locals feel that what you said about the opposition, would have suited you better.
  8. When someone tells you about a famous travel guide that mentioned the whiff of drains in town, you demand to know their name so that you can sue them for slander.
  9. You are very occupied presiding at religious functions in town, even though you are non-believer.
  10. You do anything that your Party tells you to do.
  11. In order to spend state funds, you are prepared to put a natural oasis in the Vallone Porto at Positano at risk, rather than lose the money.
  12. You need to spend more money to undo the things you did without foresight.
  13. It isn’t by chance that the Town Hall is situated right at the very top of  town ( King of the Castle syndrome ).
  14. You spend a lot of time between May and September officiating at numerous Weddings at the Town Hall.
  15. You hold a Positano Myth Festival in summer to which no one local outside politicians and VIPs are invited, so that the Festival essentially remains a myth.
  16. You find time to paint and hold showings at a local Gallery.
  17. You turn what was once a picturesque fishing village into something resembling more of a Disneyland with fancy lamps, bridges and concrete paths along the beach.
  18. You are so good at your job as an Italian Politician, that you could be, who knows, a Mayor or something, anywhere in the south of Italy.
  19. You are seriously lucky that (up to now),  you don’t have viable opposition in the upcoming elections.
And I’m still waiting…

Update 25-11-09: This morning they've come to start the work.  I'm astounded!


Annika said...

Doesn't sound too complicated! I bet the salary isn't too bad either. How do I apply for the position? ;)

LindyLouMac said...

Not just in Positano or Southern Italy either!

Chef Chuck said...

The photos are beautiful!!
That is it, I vote for Mayor Scintilla!!

Robyn Sinclair said...

Could he behind the Great Lemon Heist too?
You paint an amusing picture but it must be enormously frustrating in reality.